Movie Review: Jonas Bros 3D Concert Experience
Disney 3-D Film Features Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato
Feb 27, 2009
Some movies are critic-proof: you know a certain demographic is going to flock to this flick no matter what you say. And besides, 3-D concert films featuring teen-pop idols aren't exactly geared towards thirtysomething reviewers whose musical tastes lean more towards Robert Randolph or Rammstein than squeaky-clean pop.
No matter what, your son or daughter is either going to drag you to see Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience or go by themselves. The question then becomes: if Little Johnny or Cindy drags you to see this flick, will you actually enjoy it or will you be seeking the soothing sounds of Slayer's Reign in Blood as an antidote shortly afterwards?
For all the 7-16 year olds crowding the theatre, Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience was a religious experience as they squealed at every move their well-groomed idols made.
For the adults, it's faint praise to say that Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience isn't as bad as it could've been. But if you're looking to get any insight into the Jonas Brothers phenomenon, or any idea about what the brothers are really like, you won't find it here. The Prefab trio are kept as pretty blank canvases, ready for your daughter to project whatever clean-cut fantasies she'd like upon them.
Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience Stars Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas
The flick starts with a scene pulled lock, stock and smoking barrel from A Hard Day's Night as teenage fans chase our heroes through the streets. In fact, Disney tries extremely hard to imply that the Jonases are the next Beatles, although the brothers' attempts to imitate the Fab Four come off as disingenious and hackneyed. And director Bruce Hendricks is no Richard Lester.
After the highly scripted hijinks, the audience is quickly taken to the Jonas' show, interspersed with backstage footage and the occasional video sequence. There's plenty of playing to the 3-D format, whether it's picks or pigeons flying at the audience or lead singer Joe Jonas reaching out to his adoring fans.
Even though the film features many scenes of the brothers "having fun," there's precious little insight into what makes these guys tick. Eldest brother Kevin is clearly the leader, and possibly the biggest creative force in the group. Joe sings, looks pretty, and is the most likely to indulge in "wacky" hijinks. And baby bro Nick is just . . . there. Whether he doesn't actually have a personality, or lives permanently in his brothers' shadows, is never made clear.
However, all the backstage moments are so tightly scripted that the brothers could be narcoleptic depressives for all the insight we get into them. There's no mention of anything potentially contentious, such as their Evangelical Christian background, the purity rings all three wear promising to abstain from premarital sex (source of a Russell Brand joke several months back) or even Nick's diabetes.
The only potentially off-colour moment in this flick comes when Joe smirks at his sibs, saying, "Do you think they're ready?"
Then the 3 brothers each pull out a firehose and proceed to spray geysers of thick, suspiciously-coloured gunk all over the horde of shrieking females. It doesn't take Sigmund Freud to interpret that little sequence, although it hopefully went over the heads of the adoring throng.
Jonas Brothers: Genuine Musicians or Another Milli Vanilli?
This film was probably overdubbed to Hades and back in post-production, making the game of "are the brothers really playing their instruments?" somewhat moot. That said, Kevin seems to know what he's doing when he straps on one of his many Gibson Les Pauls. Even when he's on acoustic (another Gibson, the brothers appear to have an endorsement deal), his instrument is high in the mix.
Joe simply sings and adds the occasional tambourine. Their voices were certainly overdubbed afterwards: nobody leaps around onstage like that and still manages to stay on pitch.
Is Nick miming or actually playing guitar? One clue is that he often strums an Epiphone Casino, a notoriously feedback-prone instrument when cranked to concert levels. On the other hand, he does demonstrate some decent drumming chops on "Video Girl."
Disney appears to have locked into a successful formula for cranking out teen-pop stars: have next year's model guest on the headliner's flick. 2008's Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour featured a tune from the Jonas Brothers, and they pass the torch in this movie, bringing fellow pop-rocker Demi Lovato and country-popster Taylor Swift out for guest spots.
Lovato's spot was decent but forgettable, but Swift - although pretty enough - was overshadowed by her fiddle player Caitlin Evanson. It's bad news when your backing musician has more onstage charisma than you do, kid.
Will Disney have a 3-D concert film from Lovato or Swift coming out this time next year? Does a mouse . . . never mind.
The Final Analysis
If you're already a fan of the Jonas Brothers, then you'll love this film. But if you want more insight into your heroes, then this flick's about as deep as a wading pool.
Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience gets a 5/10.
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